As you may recall, I’ve begun participating in the Letters to Our Daughters project with some wonderful photographers whom I met through Clickin Moms. Each month, I will be posting photos and writing a letter to my girls. I love having this opportunity to speak directly to my daughters, to tell them things about our lives today so that they can read about them in the future. After you’ve read my letter below, please follow the links on each post and make your way around the circle, starting with fellow Seattle photographer Bonnie Hussey’s letter to her daughter HERE.
Dear Avery and Alexa,
My crazy monkeys! Mama loves you so very much. Just two days ago was Mother’s Day and I was reminded, once again, just how lucky I am to have this amazing family. Love attacks, flowers, dessert, cards handmade with macaroni and the best, snuggliest nap a girl could hope to have – it was a pretty perfect day. Though I must admit that the days we spend together as a family are always my favorite days.
I’ve been thinking about being a mom a lot these days, a stay-at-home mom especially. I’ve been home with both of you for your entire lives (short as that might be) and it’s all you’ve known of me. Just the other day, we were talking and I had to tell you that I used to go to work everyday just like your dad, because you didn’t know. I told you that I am a lawyer, just like him, and that we met when we worked together. You only know me as the one who takes care of you, who is with you everyday. And that’s ok, right now, to be all that you know.
I know that there will come a time when I work outside the home again, of course. I’ve started thinking about that and how it will impact you. There are many opinions out there, of course – people who write articles and books and are convinced that there is a right choice, a right answer, and that they know what it is, even if they don’t know me. Like all the important questions, I don’t think that anyone has figured out the answers, and it just might be that there really aren’t any.
I think about all of it and I worry. Moms always worry. I worry about who would make sure you are learning, make sure that you stay excited about learning, the way that you are now. Both of you are so interested in letters right now – Alexa in learning what they are and how to sing the ABCs, and Avery in learning to recognize the letters and connect them to the words you know. You are fascinated by the world around you and I never want that to change. I think about you getting through preschool and going off to elementary school in a few years (and then middle and high school), and what are the right choices to make. Is it better to go to work to afford a fancy private school or to stay home and have the time to devote to your homework? Are there answers that split the middle? I worry about whether I am setting the right example, if there is a right example. I worry about these questions that you probably won’t consider, and certainly won’t understand, until you hopefully have children of your own.
What I do want you to know is this – I am absolutely certain that being your mom is the best job that I will ever have. The time I get to spend with you is the best thing in the world (except, as your dad teases me, from 6 until 7 pm – and he’s right, it’s terrible! ha!). I may worry about what the impact of my choices will be on you, but they are my choices and I choose them because it is what I want. I can’t get enough of you two. I love you so much and I am so lucky to get to be your mama.
Kami I absolutely love reading this blog circle and I can completely relate to all that you have written about. I could feel the lump in my throat forming as I read this. Your photos are lovely – the first one is my favorite. They are so little on your big bed!
What beautiful little girls you have Kamilla!!